Spotlight: the Muscovy Duck

One of my first Muscovy hens

I thought it might be kind of fun to write some profiles of the different animals I raise — what makes them unique, why I like them, and my goals for the species and/or breed. I’m going to call these ‘breed spotlights’ or something to that effect. I’m raising somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty-five animal breeds at the moment, but if I run out, I may start writing about some that I hope to work with in the future.

I’m starting with Muscovy ducks, for the sole reason that they’re what I was chasing around the yard last night when it occurred to me to start writing these entries.

First things first, Muscovy ducks are not, as their name suggests, from Moscow, but rather, they originated in Mexico and Central and South America. There was a time when people knew even less about geography than they do now, and it was around that time that some new animals started showing up in Europe. Specifically, Muscovy ducks first went to Europe on one of Christopher Columbus’s return trips. So if you’ll indulge me…

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Ten Better Uses for the Rancid Ball Sweat You’ve Been Calling Olive Oil

Yeah, I’m doing listicles now. And listicles sounds like a portmanteau for testicles that pull to one side, so, you know, balls.

There’s a book that I highly recommend by Larry Olmsted called Real Food/Fake Food. In it, Olmsted discusses food fraud, with an emphasis on Italian food (which I love); the gist of it, if you’re not much for book-readin’, is that thanks to America’s misplaced values and general lack of respect and basic human decency, we consume enormous amounts of food that’s not what it claims to be, that could not legally be sold as such in other countries that care more about things like accurate labeling, health, farmers, etc.

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10 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

They say youth is wasted on the young. Whoever ‘they’ are, they’re right. I’ll spare you my thoughts on ‘The Worst Generation’ and do a little introspection instead. I look back at my teen-to-20-something self and cringe a little, but mostly I think about all my mistakes and wasted opportunities, most, if not all, of which I could scarcely have known would turn out to be such a bug in my ass a few decades later, but still… If I could go back in time and talk to that guy, and if he would even listen to me, here’s what I would tell him:

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Japanese Mini Trucks are Pretty Much the Coolest Things on the Planet

Some of them are from brands you’ve heard of, like Honda, Suzuki, or Daihatsu. Others, less so. But what they all have in common is that they’re awesome, tiny, and affordable. Lots of guys like them for hunting trucks, but they shouldn’t be overlooked for the farm. There are jobs that you simply don’t need a one-ton truck to do, and in fact, you’d be better off with something small that can fit into tight spaces and turn sharp corners with ease.

Are they street legal? Yes, they absolutely might possibly be. Are they cheap? That depends — how cheap are you? Do you want one? Yes, you do. How do you get one? That’s your problem.

I’m not going to tell you all the ins and outs of importing one of these or registering it in the US, where you may not even live. You can do your own research just like I have. What I am going to do is tell you that these things are the coolest and you should buy me like ten of them, and keep one for yourself while you’re at it. Did I mention that they come in a bunch of different configurations? Stolen images from around the internet to follow:

The noblest of beasts

Crew cab!

Endless jokes about itty bitty dumps

Ladders are for bitches!

Take a short person camping!

Fuuuuuuuuck yeeeeeeeessssssssss

Best Nest Box

I finally broke down and ordered a Best Nest Box. If you’re not a chicken farmer or you haven’t heard of this product for some other reason, here’s the rundown:

Chickens poop on their eggs, and they lay their eggs on poop. They don’t always do it and some do it more than others, but generally you have to wash eggs, especially if you don’t collect them multiple times a day. This isn’t a huge chore, but it is a problem because washed eggs don’t last as long. Washing removes some of the ‘bloom’ — a protective layer the hen’s reproductive system leaves on the eggshell to keep microbes from getting inside.

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Love is In the Air

Last year when one of my ganders entered into a romantic relationship with a rooster, I thought it was just a summer fling, but with springtime on its way, the two have paired up again. What kind of dirty, nasty stuff does a gay, interspecies couple do together? Basically they stand next to each other, protect each other from any perceived danger, and occasionally stand on one foot, as a couple.

I don’t know if they’re really gay or if each one thinks the other is female, but it is pretty interesting to see these guys getting back together as goose mating season approaches. The gander doesn’t even seem to mind that the rooster cheated on him all fall and winter, right in front of his face.

The Perfect Cup

There is a group of adages suggesting that to reach your goals, you must first behave as if you have already achieved them. “Fake it ‘til you make it.” “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson calls it “working the gimmick”; various cultists and self-help charlatans have sold their own versions of the idea for centuries, if not millennia. I don’t put much stock in aphorisms, and even less in mysticism, but because my goals for the rest of my life are essentially lifestyle goals, as opposed to targeted accomplishments, I’ve been trying to build the life I desire and incorporate what elements I can, a little at a time. I may not wake up on a big, beautiful farm in the tropics, but I do wake up on a small, kind of shitty farm in the Pacific Northwest, and that’s closer to my goals than, say, an office job and an apartment in the Midwest.

It may not seem like much, but one of my lifestyle goals is to have a superb cup of coffee every morning. Continue reading